muses on muses

As I write more poetry, I'm developing a notebook of unfinished poems.  Many of them, I'm sure, will one day find a way into being full poems, once I can figure out what to do with them, but others -- well, others are just going to be cannibalized at best, torn line from line until all that was useful is gone and the rest is fit only to be discarded.

There are some people, I've found, to whom I want to do the same thing; I want to take out their few useful parts and use them to create something that's truly valuable, instead of letting them be wasted in a larger, inferior husk.  That's a pretty bleak image, I know, but what else can you do with something that's no good? Its greatest value, if left intact, is as a warning to others, and nobody wants to live as a warning.

There's a project I'm working on that's too much in its early stages to reveal that much here.  Suffice to say that it's the most ambitious thing I've ever undertaken, it's tremendously long-term, and I feel incredibly lucky to even have the opportunity to pursue it.  I'm sorry that I have to be so vague; it's the nature of the beast.  I just hope you understand that, when I say something without much context, or act a little mysterious, it's in relation to this project, and I'm sorry that I can't always help myself from mentioning it.  It's just got me really excited, so it's on my mind all the time.

In addition to writing, I've decided to start practicing the guitar seriously.  I am deeply in love with the idea of creating music, but its truly good execution has always been outside the possibilities permitted by the limited time and attention I've devoted to practicing.  I think, at this point in my life, I'm tired of merely imagining myself doing things.  The upshot is that you'll probably be getting updates on my progress in that, too, as well as my poetry!  Lucky, lucky you!

You know, I'm terrified of the concept of luck.  Any hint that I don't have control over my fate upsets me.  I know that I should be more laid-back about it, but fear of failure is a major consequence of ambition.  It's getting over that fear that sets you apart.  I'm going to fail many, many times.  And perhaps, in a few months, I'll have developed a little notebook of guitar songs that I'll never finish, in addition to my notebook of unfinished poems.  But for all of those little dissatisfactions, I'll have a few real accomplishments, and I think that'll be enough.

Oh, and before I forgot -- a huge shout-out to one of my closest friends Mike, the genius who got me interested in Adventure Time at the cost of his own blood, sweat, and tears.  Thanks, Mike!