rainy recollection

The rain always makes me contemplative.  So while the rest of the world is out partying through the maelstrom, I'll quietly jot down a few thoughts that are bouncing around in my head.

I can't see rain without feeling the urge to go out in it.  I don't know if it's some misplaced admiration for the raw power of nature or if I just like being cold and wet.  I can remember once, during a particularly nasty hurricane (possibly Isabel?), just throwing on a poncho and going for a walk.  In fact, I neglected to tell anyone where I was going, which caused my mother to fret something awful (sorry, mom).  I walked down the street of my suburban neighborhood, enjoying the tempestuous monotony of constantly nightmarish winds and rain.  Somehow, in the complete absence of people brought on by the huge storm, I felt a sense of terrific peace; for those precious minutes, I was the only person in the world.  Kept dry enough by my poncho, I ventured down the street and walked on a road alongside a forest (in fact, that was the same street as the one in my bat/cicada dream).  As I walked, I started to sing -- Kool & the Gang's "Celebration", in fact -- shouting my feelings of elation to the thunderous heavens.  And for once, they shouted back!  The sky opened further, the rain beat down a little harder, and the wind grew strong enough to actually push me backwards.  I stopped to marvel at the increasingly harsh conditions, but continued to sing as loudly as I could.

Just as the song reached its crescendo, a tree a few feet in front of me jerked once and fell, slamming into the street and leaving it completely blocked.  I stared at that tree in shock for several seconds before coming to my senses and scurrying back out of the forest's reach.  I knew that, had I continued on at the same pace, I would have been crushed by that tree, with no hope of avoiding it or even any real notice of my impending doom.  On that day, I owed my life to my sense of wonder and awe.

A few minutes after that, one of my neighbors drove by, stopped, and told me my mom had been calling around, asking if anyone had seen me.  I realized my mistake and hurried back home to apologize.

Since that day, I've never quite been able to shake the feelings of happiness, serenity, and freedom that I experienced while singing and dancing in the hurricane.  I can't help but find the joy in chaos, and that encourages me to seek it out where I can.  But trees are the enemy of chaos; nothing is more orderly than plant life.  They are the most beautiful, most boring things that I can imagine, and even they can still kill you if you aren't careful.  But if I were careful, I never would have learned what freedom tastes like.  I never would have learned to dance the storm.  Isn't that a price worth paying?


we emerged from youth all wide-eyed liked the rest