germany is a nice place, part 3

Düsseldorf is considered one of the five major cities of Germany, but we went there on a Sunday, and Germans treat Sunday like an unloved relative, awkwardly acknowledging it when necessary but really avoiding interacting with it whenever possible.

But that didn't detract at all from its prettiness:

We wandered through the commercial and Japanese districts of the city and had a nice lunch at a Japanese restaurant, where I was able to finally communicate in a language I understand.  We wanted to check out more of the Japanese district, but it was Sunday in Germany, so...you know.  Not really an option.  So instead, we went to the harbor!

The walk to the harbor was...enlightening.  I saw things I never thought I'd see.

Not Pictured:  A bevy of middle-aged German ladies drinking schnapps

A shopping bonanza!

We also passed a brass band making a nuisance of themselves, a crazy circular eight-seater bike designed solely for bachelorette parties, and about nine hundred ice cream cafes.

Then we got to the harbor!

Proof.

Well, the actual harbor is a little more impressive.

We walked up and down the...wharf?  quay?..a ways, then killed some time eating ice cream:

Why is the tower twisted?!

Then hopped aboard the RHINE RIVER TOUR!!!

This is actually when we got off the boat, but never mind that.

We had a lovely, scenic cruise down the Rhine, during which I drank tons of apfelschorle and took almost no pictures.  It was unlimited drinks, you see, and I wasn't about to pass that up.  I mean, there was beer too, but who wants that when there's apfelschorle around?

So after cruisin' down the Rhine, we landed at KAISERSWERTH, a sleepy town whose main feature is a castle built by none other than FREDERICK BARBAROSSA!

Awwww yisssssss this guy

And what a castle it was:

It was originally a customs collection point, so they needed a castle to...scare smugglers I guess?

The wife was keeping an eye out for smugglers...I only had eyes for her.

Then we hit the town proper, which was home to some terrifying restaurant that made my eyes bleed from the nightmarish decorations in its bathroom (we did not eat there; no human soul can eat there and keep any food down).  I didn't get any pictures, either, because I was too afraid and merely needed to escape.

The town was cute, though.  Not terrifying in the slightest.

Then we hit up a palace, Schloss Benrath!  A pleasure palace!  With rococo!

People, experiencing pleasure.

Geese, experiencing pleasure.

A lion, experiencing HEY WAIT A MINUTE

I do not envy the groundskeepers.

Then we scampered down a winding forest pathway, only to come upon the most unsettling sight I witnessed while abroad:

Germany, everybody.

Then we saw a swan attack a few people, then we went BACK through the woods, and found something particularly fascinating.

People have been carving their initials in these trees for decades -- you can see here a carving from 1931.  What's really interesting about this is that the carving pictured is well above eye level; in fact, it's actually grown upwards with the tree.

Consider it -- what you might consider a transitory marker of infatuation could become part of someone else's story nearly a century later.  With every year the tree grows taller, the record of your love reaches closer and closer to the sky.  Hella romantic.

Then we saw Cinderella doing a photo shoot at the palace.  A family walked by, and the husband asked if Cinderella wouldn't mind taking a picture with him.  She said sure, so he climbed the steps to stand next to her, at which point his wife called out "No touching!"

NO TOUCHING.

Then we went back and got dinner!  And, more importantly, we got more apfelschorle!

THAT'S THE STUFF

Then we said farewell to Düsseldorf, farewell to Danielle, and farewell to Bochum (in that order).  Onward to Cologne, the most magnificent stop of our grand tour of the western part of Germany!