If I'm going to manage a post a day for the rest of this month, I'm not going to be able to rely on my usual thoughtful shtick. I'm going to have to do more than just talk about the things I think about -- I'm going to have to talk about some of the things I actually do. And if that's what we've come to, there's no getting around bringing up something I spend a fair amount of time on: games.
I play my fair share of games. Computer games, board games, card games, mental games...you name it, I enjoy it. It's rare that I play any individual game for too long; I like to mix it up constantly, to keep my mental powers challenged. I try not to talk about games too much in this space, because I get the impression that most of you don't really play many. I know how tedious it can be to listen to somebody talk about something in which you have no interest.
However, once in a while, a game (or game-related thing) comes along that's simply too fantastic not to talk about. My favorite kind of games are those that give me godlike or imperial levels of power over vast dominions, where I can wreak havoc with the lives of my hapless peons like so many ants in an ant farm. My second favorite kind of games are any in which I can compete directly with other people in a way that involves a minimum of luck. I know what you're thinking: that's a lot of games. You're right! But today I want to focus on a very specific subset -- fighting games.
There are lots of different kinds of fighting games. The most popular ones you might have heard of would be Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat, and Super Smash Bros (if you really consider that a fighter). But my favorites are less popular ones, like Melty Blood, Immaterial and Missing Power, and Divekick. Still, I enjoy them all -- as long as I have the chance to compete against other people, I can have a good time.
These are games that reward a keen spatial sense, quick reflexes, and a strongly competitive nature. I don't really score too highly on either of those first two, but I'm competitive enough to make up for it. And I can enjoy watching other people play while waiting for my turn, as well. Who doesn't like to watch a competition, goad on the challengers, and give his best estimate of the outcome?
Yet, perhaps strangely, I've never been a big fan of traditional sports. I don't know if it's just a latent aversion to things I viewed as mainstream when I was growing up (born hipster here), general distaste for physical activity for most of my life, or some other reason, but I've always had a hard time getting excited about sports. When people ask me how I feel about some team's season, my responses are canned and generally pretty boring. Usually it's some variation on the following:
1. Oh, Philadelphia sports teams are always terrible. Even when they're winning, they're just setting you up to lose next year.
2. Yeah, I know the baseball team won that one year. And you know what? They didn't run the trains the next day for the parade, and I was late for class. It was horrible and I hate them.
3. Come on, you know the Eagles aren't going to the Super Bowl. Don't kid yourself.
And, if that doesn't get them off my back, there's always
4. Oh, actually, I'm a fan of hockey. (I'm not, really, but this shuts most people up).
If somebody tries to talk about basketball, I just keep rolling my eyes until I pass out. Usually it works.
Maybe it's a problem with our modern sports -- not enough deliberate violence for my brutal instincts. Now, the Romans had the right idea, what with their gladiatorial combats. That was a competition that had consequences. Our modern sports are just playing at highly formalized war. The Romans brought actual war into their sporting events, and it was awesome.
I understand why gladiatorial combat is gruesome and probably a bad idea in the modern age. And that's why I'm drawn to fighting games -- all the glory, none of the guts. And yeah, there's no consequences either, but at least you can sometimes watch a tiny cat-person fire lasers from his eyes into the face of a girl who's been possessed by a fire demon. That's way better than a touchdown.
Today, I found out about a website called Salty Bet, where you can go to watch computer-controlled fighting game characters battle each other endlessly, and bet on it with fake money. It is amazingly addicting -- especially so because it draws characters from nearly every fighting game ever, and then some. Today I watched Grover battle an Evil Ronald McDonald. It did not go so well for Grover. Currently on the screen, a Scotsman is tossing cabers at an angelic space ninja while the Darkwing Duck theme plays in the background (let's get dangerous!). There's really nothing like it! And it's TOTALLY FREE! How much money can you make? Can you beat the odds? Can I stop watching long enough to write another blog post?
Probably not. Thanks for sticking with me so far.
Salty Bet somehow feels even more alienating to me than football ever does.
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