bad dreams

I don't want to figure prominently in your mythology.  I'd prefer to be a bit player, nothing more than an aside, a footnote in your personal history.  This goes for everyone, and it isn't an attempt to minimize myself or my influence in the lives of others.  Of course I want to be influential!  But when we consider our own life stories, they should come forth as a record of the amazing things we've done, the great decisions we've made, the tentative perfections we achieved.  They shouldn't be a list of other people.  There is no life to be had caroming from one other to another.

I can't tell if distance from my own written works tends to make me more or less objective.  I went back and read many of my daily blog posts from last September, and I was terribly impressed by what I saw.  Things that (at the time) seemed like petty and desperate attempts to draw forth meaning and emotional impact from the most paltry of sources now come across (to me) like well-structured essays that expertly uncover beauty and tragedy in the midst of life's most mundane elements.  Something about that thought makes me angry, both at our natural inability to accurately judge ourselves, and at my failure (so far) to capitalize on my perceived talents more fully.  Ah, well.  All things in time.

What do you want your life story to be?  One antidote to the mundanities of daily life is to pursue a life that isn't so mundane, one full of novelty and adventure.  These lives are difficult and dangerous, but they're out there.  It's all a matter of settling on your priorities.  I'm writing this blog post, right?  It's a step on the road towards my dreams.  What's the last thing you did to move yourself in that direction?

Be careful, though.  Not all dreams are to the good.  Dwell on yours, and the costs, long before you fully commit yourself.  Do not become an AHAB.  Avoid the crooked paths!  Never let yourself become so wrongly convicted as to place the one above the others in the celestial constellations of your fate.  Mythological figures can be both good and bad, and you are the only one who will ever fully exist in your life.  Take care not to drown in a pool of your own remembered vanities.  And remember, above all, that NARCISSUS' was not so much a fable about self-regard as it was a warning against devoting oneself too fully to the appreciation of beauty.  You might stand transfixed by the awesome sights before you, and then you will be tempted to give yourself fully to them.  But there are mightier, worthier things to serve with your attention than your own senses.  Remember to take time not to feel, or you risk losing everything.